I'm a week late. But better late than never, right?
4:12 A.M. Not an unfamiliar time of the day for me by any means, but the circumstances in which I'm surrounded have certainly been strange as of late. I feel as if I've missed out on so much lately: friends I haven't seen for months, my future passing before my eyes, the spirit of the holidays nowhere to be found. Ironically, I didn't feel festive at all until after Christmas had passed, and even that was fleeting; by New Years Eve, I was my old self again, circa 2010, and I had spent the passing of yet another year entrapped in my room, sitting in front of a computer screen, wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was never one to make New Years resolutions. I was never able to keep them, at least not for more than a month or so. This year is a little different. I've made several so far. One involves spending more time with my family; I'm literally out for 12+ hours a day, from the moment I leave my house at 9:50 A.M. for class every morning until I walk through my front door, oftentimes around midnight or perhaps even later, dead tired from work, only to find that my mother had fallen asleep watching TV on the couch, waiting for me to come home. It kills me a little inside, every single time.
I've also taken it upon myself to take more risks. While it may sound cliché, just think about it: how many moments have passed you by, how many opportunities have you missed in the past? Perhaps it was that one person who caught your eye, but whom you never worked up the nerve to say "hi" to. Was it time lost with your loved ones, moments that they will hold forever but you will never know, all because you were too "busy" to spend time with them? Or maybe its that thing, you know, that one thing that you told yourself you'd do someday, but never got around to. That road trip you never went on, the hike that you never took, or even the little things. For instance, I made a vow to "train" myself to become a morning person by going to bed and waking up earlier, and so far, so good; I woke up at 11 A.M. yesterday morning, which is impressive, considering that I normally don't get out of bed until 3 P.M. on days that I don't have class. (Of course, the fact that my restless self is still awake at this very moment just ruined any and all of the progress that I've made.)
Last, but not least, I want to be more open - about myself, my opinions, my emotions, everything. What's ironic is that I used to be an incredibly open person, to the point where I would feel left-out and was even ostracized because I had the tendency to speak my mind in all but the most dire of circumstances. I suppose nobody really wants to know how I feel, 24/7. Since those days, I've bottled up most of the thoughts and feelings that have coursed throughout my body and soul, and nobody really knows much of what's up with me anymore.
These are all things that are going to change, in due time.
Like I said, I've never been one to make resolutions for New Years. This year, though, there's something different. A change in the air. It's electric. I feel as if I've made more progress in the past month than I did over the 11 months of the year that came before that, and it's great. And as much as it scares me to think of what the future might bring, I simply cannot wait to tackle this year head-on and see what is has to offer me, savoring every last moment, good or bad. 2012 will be a breakout year for me. That, I promise to you, and to myself.
That's all for now. I'm going hiking later today. Pz.
4:12 A.M. Not an unfamiliar time of the day for me by any means, but the circumstances in which I'm surrounded have certainly been strange as of late. I feel as if I've missed out on so much lately: friends I haven't seen for months, my future passing before my eyes, the spirit of the holidays nowhere to be found. Ironically, I didn't feel festive at all until after Christmas had passed, and even that was fleeting; by New Years Eve, I was my old self again, circa 2010, and I had spent the passing of yet another year entrapped in my room, sitting in front of a computer screen, wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was never one to make New Years resolutions. I was never able to keep them, at least not for more than a month or so. This year is a little different. I've made several so far. One involves spending more time with my family; I'm literally out for 12+ hours a day, from the moment I leave my house at 9:50 A.M. for class every morning until I walk through my front door, oftentimes around midnight or perhaps even later, dead tired from work, only to find that my mother had fallen asleep watching TV on the couch, waiting for me to come home. It kills me a little inside, every single time.
I've also taken it upon myself to take more risks. While it may sound cliché, just think about it: how many moments have passed you by, how many opportunities have you missed in the past? Perhaps it was that one person who caught your eye, but whom you never worked up the nerve to say "hi" to. Was it time lost with your loved ones, moments that they will hold forever but you will never know, all because you were too "busy" to spend time with them? Or maybe its that thing, you know, that one thing that you told yourself you'd do someday, but never got around to. That road trip you never went on, the hike that you never took, or even the little things. For instance, I made a vow to "train" myself to become a morning person by going to bed and waking up earlier, and so far, so good; I woke up at 11 A.M. yesterday morning, which is impressive, considering that I normally don't get out of bed until 3 P.M. on days that I don't have class. (Of course, the fact that my restless self is still awake at this very moment just ruined any and all of the progress that I've made.)
Last, but not least, I want to be more open - about myself, my opinions, my emotions, everything. What's ironic is that I used to be an incredibly open person, to the point where I would feel left-out and was even ostracized because I had the tendency to speak my mind in all but the most dire of circumstances. I suppose nobody really wants to know how I feel, 24/7. Since those days, I've bottled up most of the thoughts and feelings that have coursed throughout my body and soul, and nobody really knows much of what's up with me anymore.
These are all things that are going to change, in due time.
Like I said, I've never been one to make resolutions for New Years. This year, though, there's something different. A change in the air. It's electric. I feel as if I've made more progress in the past month than I did over the 11 months of the year that came before that, and it's great. And as much as it scares me to think of what the future might bring, I simply cannot wait to tackle this year head-on and see what is has to offer me, savoring every last moment, good or bad. 2012 will be a breakout year for me. That, I promise to you, and to myself.
That's all for now. I'm going hiking later today. Pz.
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