Monday, December 19, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Primacy.
Another late night on this end. What's new?
Well, I'll tell you what's new. This quarter is almost over, that's a relief. I still can't believe how quickly time has flown; twelve weeks is really shorter than it sounds. I'm wide awake, as usual, only instead of cramming for finals like so many of my colleagues are doing, I'm instead practicing the art of introspection, shining lights into places that perhaps shouldn't be explored. I've been fortunate enough to have myself a relatively light workload this week: I have class in the morning for about two hours (listening to presentations, mostly), then leisure time for myself for the next couple of days. Following that, it's two hours of class on Wednesday morning, where I'll again be sitting through presentations. Wrap it all up with two mid-day finals on Friday and a week-ending closing shift, and then I'm relieved of these burdens for the rest of the year.
I know the week has just begun, but all this free time has me thinking. What's in a year? Laughter, joy, heartache, tears, smiles. Maturation and growth. Only to me, I'm fearful that the type of change I've undergone during the latter pat of the year haven't exactly been fulfilling. Lately I've loved no one but myself; I suppose that isn't a total sin, because after all, I work hard, and I feel I should have a little something to show for it. Still, I can't help but feel that perhaps there's one too many chips on my shoulder, too many scars, remnants of past burns. It's such a shame that picking at scars and scabs is so fun, since doing so never seems to do much good.
Recently, I gave a presentation on the type of relationship that I share with my siblings. I'll admit it, I BS'ed most of it, as any crafty college student would do. In the limited amount of research that I actually did, however, I found an article stating that one of the keys to a healthy relationship with a sibling is to not compare yourself to who they are or your achievements to theirs. Immediately upon reading this, I realized two things: one, that this is absolutely what I do, and two, that this is true not only of your relationship with your siblings, but your relationship with, well, pretty much anybody.
And so often do I look at others surrounding me, often with adoring eyes, both amazed yet envious and what they've achieved and how far they've come, only to look down at my own two feet and realize that I've only taken baby steps. In many ways, this fuels me. That chip on my shoulder? It's knowing that there's someone out there who has a better job than me, goes to a better school, makes more money, drives a nicer car, walks and talks taller than I can. This is what fuels me to wake up every day and put in work, day in and day out, in hopes that the fruits of my labor will blossom soon. But sometimes, I just want to slow it down.
And on that note, I stifle my thoughts for another day. To be continued.
Well, I'll tell you what's new. This quarter is almost over, that's a relief. I still can't believe how quickly time has flown; twelve weeks is really shorter than it sounds. I'm wide awake, as usual, only instead of cramming for finals like so many of my colleagues are doing, I'm instead practicing the art of introspection, shining lights into places that perhaps shouldn't be explored. I've been fortunate enough to have myself a relatively light workload this week: I have class in the morning for about two hours (listening to presentations, mostly), then leisure time for myself for the next couple of days. Following that, it's two hours of class on Wednesday morning, where I'll again be sitting through presentations. Wrap it all up with two mid-day finals on Friday and a week-ending closing shift, and then I'm relieved of these burdens for the rest of the year.
I know the week has just begun, but all this free time has me thinking. What's in a year? Laughter, joy, heartache, tears, smiles. Maturation and growth. Only to me, I'm fearful that the type of change I've undergone during the latter pat of the year haven't exactly been fulfilling. Lately I've loved no one but myself; I suppose that isn't a total sin, because after all, I work hard, and I feel I should have a little something to show for it. Still, I can't help but feel that perhaps there's one too many chips on my shoulder, too many scars, remnants of past burns. It's such a shame that picking at scars and scabs is so fun, since doing so never seems to do much good.
Recently, I gave a presentation on the type of relationship that I share with my siblings. I'll admit it, I BS'ed most of it, as any crafty college student would do. In the limited amount of research that I actually did, however, I found an article stating that one of the keys to a healthy relationship with a sibling is to not compare yourself to who they are or your achievements to theirs. Immediately upon reading this, I realized two things: one, that this is absolutely what I do, and two, that this is true not only of your relationship with your siblings, but your relationship with, well, pretty much anybody.
And so often do I look at others surrounding me, often with adoring eyes, both amazed yet envious and what they've achieved and how far they've come, only to look down at my own two feet and realize that I've only taken baby steps. In many ways, this fuels me. That chip on my shoulder? It's knowing that there's someone out there who has a better job than me, goes to a better school, makes more money, drives a nicer car, walks and talks taller than I can. This is what fuels me to wake up every day and put in work, day in and day out, in hopes that the fruits of my labor will blossom soon. But sometimes, I just want to slow it down.
And on that note, I stifle my thoughts for another day. To be continued.
Monday, December 5, 2011
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