On-point as always. Do you.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Practice.
It's been an intense month. I promised myself I would blog more this year, but so far I haven't been doing such a swell job. But, here I am, 21 minutes past the hour, in the one place where I can truly put it down.
Time and love are both fleeting, and lately I haven't had much of either. Already we're a month into winter quarter, and I've little to show for the body of work which I've managed to produce thus far. My most recent endeavor of the heart, which was completely unexpected and perhaps a little more risky than I'm used to, has left me between a rock and a hard place. I've also discovered that my cousin is soon to be married, with a newborn child on the way; it seems like just yesterday that we were barely tall enough to ride the roller coasters, waking up early every summer morning just to play video games. Where has it all gone?
I suppose you can say that all of this has me somewhat bent out of shape. The crushing agony of a one-night-stand, shots of clear liquor, bad tan lines, bonfires on the beach, trips to the city, and mostly, the spontaneity of it all; all of these things, both wondrous and humbling, have come rushing back to me in the past week or so. They remind me that I am only human. That I can feel, that I can cry, that I can be on top of the world one night and hit rock-bottom the next. In a way, it's a good sensation.
I've been sitting here for the past half hour or so, watching Youtube videos of songs from a not-too-distant past. I struggled mightily to fight the tears, yet they still filled my eyes. They reminded me of how far I've come from past adversity, and also reminded me of how much more I have to go until I finally get "there". Who knows if I'll ever reach it? But that's the beauty of human nature, is it not? There is no "end", no true destination; there is always room for improvement, never a dull moment. This is life's way of keeping you on your toes. I feel like I've become a pretty good dancer over the years, if you catch my drift.
In retrospect, I sometimes wonder whether or not it was worth it, every risk I ever took. What if I had never let her into my bed, much less my heart? What if I had worked harder to keep in touch with some of the people I've lost? What if I had never told one of my closest friends of three-plus years the way I feel about her? But then I think to myself: if I had never taken these chances, I would never have learned from these experiences, and I wouldn't be the man that I am today. At times, I admit, it gets frustrating to do a little introspection only to find that despite the risks I've taken, I'm still lonely at the end of the day, but all of that is assuaged when I remind myself that it's the journey, not the destination, that makes it all worthwhile.
I've since adopted a motto: "If you're unhappy with your life, you're either not taking enough risks or taking too many." So far, so true. While I can't say that I'm completely happy with the way things have turned out thus far, neither can I say that I'm unhappy. I believe that I've found a balanced medium, and while I won't stay content forever, at the very least I'll have a solid footing on which to further continue my journey. Let's see where this takes me; I hope I brought the right shoes.
Time, work your magic.
Time and love are both fleeting, and lately I haven't had much of either. Already we're a month into winter quarter, and I've little to show for the body of work which I've managed to produce thus far. My most recent endeavor of the heart, which was completely unexpected and perhaps a little more risky than I'm used to, has left me between a rock and a hard place. I've also discovered that my cousin is soon to be married, with a newborn child on the way; it seems like just yesterday that we were barely tall enough to ride the roller coasters, waking up early every summer morning just to play video games. Where has it all gone?
I suppose you can say that all of this has me somewhat bent out of shape. The crushing agony of a one-night-stand, shots of clear liquor, bad tan lines, bonfires on the beach, trips to the city, and mostly, the spontaneity of it all; all of these things, both wondrous and humbling, have come rushing back to me in the past week or so. They remind me that I am only human. That I can feel, that I can cry, that I can be on top of the world one night and hit rock-bottom the next. In a way, it's a good sensation.
I've been sitting here for the past half hour or so, watching Youtube videos of songs from a not-too-distant past. I struggled mightily to fight the tears, yet they still filled my eyes. They reminded me of how far I've come from past adversity, and also reminded me of how much more I have to go until I finally get "there". Who knows if I'll ever reach it? But that's the beauty of human nature, is it not? There is no "end", no true destination; there is always room for improvement, never a dull moment. This is life's way of keeping you on your toes. I feel like I've become a pretty good dancer over the years, if you catch my drift.
In retrospect, I sometimes wonder whether or not it was worth it, every risk I ever took. What if I had never let her into my bed, much less my heart? What if I had worked harder to keep in touch with some of the people I've lost? What if I had never told one of my closest friends of three-plus years the way I feel about her? But then I think to myself: if I had never taken these chances, I would never have learned from these experiences, and I wouldn't be the man that I am today. At times, I admit, it gets frustrating to do a little introspection only to find that despite the risks I've taken, I'm still lonely at the end of the day, but all of that is assuaged when I remind myself that it's the journey, not the destination, that makes it all worthwhile.
I've since adopted a motto: "If you're unhappy with your life, you're either not taking enough risks or taking too many." So far, so true. While I can't say that I'm completely happy with the way things have turned out thus far, neither can I say that I'm unhappy. I believe that I've found a balanced medium, and while I won't stay content forever, at the very least I'll have a solid footing on which to further continue my journey. Let's see where this takes me; I hope I brought the right shoes.
Time, work your magic.
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