April 29th

My homie Pat! So it's been awhile since we've met, but it feels like yesterday. No, I'm not a crip, sorry. Anyways, sorry we couldn't go to McDonalds today, but hopefully you had a good time with your famiry at home and that you enjoyed that cake you got, you lucky tart. It's alright though, today was your day and you deserved to be happy throughout every breathing second of it. So here's to the dude who I can truly say is a part of my family now, pretty much, despite the fact that you're herra taller and darker (no offense) and have more heat than me and dress nicer and you have two cars and a cool uncle and a dad who buys me food, bastard. Just kidding. Happy birthday bro!

Good Friday

The fud was gud, thanks for the drank.

I woke up late for the first time this week, hopped in the shower, threw on whatever I could find, and walked out the door with no breakfast.

I recited my canto in English without stuttering, thank goodness. Completely knocked out during Algebra 2, but at least we were only doing boring STAR testing practices. Finally decided to get off my butt and do something in U.S. History, so it looks like I'm debating on Monday. AP Chem was interesting, as our discussion of phase changes quickly turned into a debate about hormones, fluorescent light bulbs, and Michael Phelps. Mrs. Amstrup was throwing up gang signs in Spanish 3 again, and I got to draw another truck.

We walked to Target after school in what must have been the biggest group we've gone out in for a really long time. I caved in and ordered a venti Java Chip and a hot dog (NOT man-sized). The early birds had to leave because it was almost time for 7th to end, so I stayed behind and ate with Quiatchon (happy birthday again), Daniel, and the Germans. Oh, and Princess texted me a couple of things which made me smile in more ways than one. "i miss you," followed by "IM BRIND!" You always seem to find a way.

I decided to return to Daniel's house, where I had another quick "workout session" before my mom came. 18 reps, great. That's really gonna burn. No nap for me that afternoon; instead, I went for a run on the eliptical (first time since Tuesday) and then got ready for the BBQ, which took longer than expected. I left to Pat's house, and rode with his dad.

Arrived around 7:45ish. Can you say fashionably late? The BBQ was great, lots of food and lots of heads in a really nice house. It was a little awkward, as I only knew maybe 7 people out of like, what, 30? But it's all good. It was another one of those days, a deep conversation with Pat out back around the BBQ pit at nighttime, that's what's up. We were accompanied by a few other people at times, which made for nice company. Oh, and I burned my hand on Jpham's BBQ pit cover. As a seasoned Boy Scout, my assessment tells me that it's a second-degree burn, with no serious lasting effects and which should go away in a few days. Awesome!

Uncle picked us up and we decided to go to Jack in the Bocks. This is the second time I've had that at his house, and I didn't pay for my own meal either time, although I wanted to. Thanks again for the food and the ride! Chilled for a bit, the usual: Myspace, ISS, IDW, Youtube, and checking "brogs", while watching Goodfellas on TV. My parents came around 1:10 and took me home, where I stayed up for another hour or two, doing God knows what on my computer. I always find some way to entertain myself, it seems. Finally hit the sheets late that night, and my Friday was officially done.

Not a bad day! Not a bad day at all. If only all Fridays were like this.








P.S. I had a dream that my mom's friend's dog was in the closet in the office, and I made eye contact with her which caused her to run out of there barking and trying to bite my hand. I woke up when she bit me.


P.S.S. I miss you too, and hope to see you again soon.

forever elevator

but at least i finally found my fingers.

love, princess

hi mikey! you woke me up, because you move alot when you're dancing. and heavy breathing like a doggy. you look nice in my shoes! but they're tight on you. me and you wore the same shoes today, wdf! geeze. thanks for visiting me today! even though, you came hella late, and got off at the wrong place. walking wasnt that bad. but i hope you liked your thai tea! i'll be visiting next wednesday. hope you liked the qpop chicken! and i hope that you get home safely, with the artsy notes. hope you like your blog now. it was bland, like your face.


1:08 A.M., April 21st, 2010: It's been over a year since this post was first made. As stupid as this may sound, I think this may have been one of my favorite days that we spent together. This was back when things were simpler, when there wasn't such a huge mess of emotions to untangle and arguments to bicker back and forth about. You'd think that my favorite day with you was one of those days we had later on in our friendship, when things were finally getting warmed up, both emotionally and physically, but nah. I liked this day just fine. In fact, I loved it. I loved just being able to spend time with you, and although I wanted to hold you oh-so-badly, I was perfectly content just sitting next to you, sharing a tray of fried chicken with our thai teas. I guess things changed. I guess I got too greedy too quick. Anyway, before I go off to bed, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. Night, princess.

Love Is You

^Would you care to join me for a glass of milk?


It looks like I wasn't the only one who found a reason to shed some today. I'm still wide awake after what seemed to be the longest day ever, and a pretty funny evening despite a slow beginning.

Spring break has slowly been whittling down at my mind as well as my body, transforming me into a chunk of flesh with mush for brains, but somehow I've still found inspiration in these meager everyday things. Perhaps my outlook on life has changed within the past few months, or maybe things are still just as they've always been, but whatever it is, it's different. And I like it.

I ran late today; 11:34 A.M., not good. I woke up to a text message and defiantly threw the sheets back over my head after typing out a response. Mom is running late, and the peace isn't interrupted until nearly half past noon, although with the disruption came a plate of delicacies. She left half an hour later, and I let my subconsciousness take over. I logged on and was greeted by an old friend, although the server seemed to have failed again because most of my messages weren't getting through. Still, it was nice to know that I'm remembered, even though it's been over half a year since I quit. Sorry for not replying, and I hope the rest of the MG/RH team is doing well. It's been awhile, and I haven't really gotten a chance to catch up, especially with HK and Jaa, who I always love talking to. I'll shoot him a text when I wake up later to see how he's been.

My self-motivation dried up a bit today, and I didn't seem to regain it until late in the afternoon. My voice rang throughout the hallway and the usual chords lightly weighted the air, and for the brief time during which I was able to let my soul out, nothing else seemed to have mattered. The door opened and in comes reality.

We're out of milk, again, so mom and I went to Target, where I bought a package of Chips Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies. "Make sure you keep exercising every day!" Thanks mom, I will. I hopped on the familiar machine today for the first time this week and found that my physical condition hasn't deteriorated that much, although I think watching last week's episode of Heroes may have been a mistake, at least at that hour of the night. Still, it was rather intense, and had me holding on to my stuffed monkey until the end, dripping with sweat.

Out of the shower I step and for some reason, the still night air seemed to rejuvenate my mind, for I felt more awake than I did all day and as witty as ever. A couple of hours pass and the jokes keep rolling. At least I had something to take my mind off the stresses and worries of my world.

It's late, and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Another day of wondering; at least this time I'll be able to get some air and do my thinking in the presence of complete strangers. This really is a beautiful song though, and I'm glad to have come across it.





P.S. I still don't feel good enough.

meteor showers

It's always these little thoughtful texts that make me smile in a biiiiiig way.


Goodnight and sweet dreams.


(I'm eating a nutella pancake right now.)

amazing

You're probably safe and warm right now. Call me crazy, but I think it's adorable how you always fall asleep on me.

I'd have to say that our talk last night went a lot better than I expected. For the past couple of weeks, I had been pretty nervous to talk about it, but you made it easy for me. You made a lot of things pleasant for me, actually, just by being there. Did you know that you're one of the only people (is that correct grammar?) I actually feel comfortable being around? Anyways, I'm sorry you woke up late, and forgot your phone at home. I don't really mind the crunching and mumbling, but it was really hot in my room. Oscar says hi, he's about to sleep. And I don't mind you falling asleep, and I did take kind of long; I had to put the video on public and then turn off the computer, and I drank a lot of water.. I don't know what I should do either, but that's okay, because I'm really enjoying my life right now. I've never been on the phone with someone that late and that long, ever, but I can never seem to get bored of you. My cover is on your blog now, cool. I hope you enjoyed the picture and that you're dreaming good dreams. "You're a good singer." I'd have to disagree, but thank you! I look really stupid when I smile though.


P.S. I'm sleeping now, have a wonderful Saturday.

We'll See.

My room is now the only room in the house without a doorknob. I need to ship out the stuff I sold, and put up new things in my listing. I have two math assignments to catch up on, and I ate two nutella cupcakes today. My bangs are annoying me and this pimple won't go away. There's two days left before spring break, and I still have no certain plans. Unsolved problems, unexplained mysteries, nothing matters.


"Maybe, it depends if I walk this through."

But at this point, why wouldn't I?

sacapuntas.

^Something's missing. Come to think of it, something's always missing.

So for the past five days or so, there's been a lot of construction work going on in my house. My parents' room is finally finished and now sports a beautiful cherry hardwood floor along with a vibrant shade of plum coating the walls of the main room and a calming sage green for the bathroom. I came home yesterday to find all of the doorknobs gone and the doors being re-painted, which is really mind-boggling. They're white, why do they need to be repainted?! I have to admit that they are shinier now, though. Dad went around installing new doorknobs earlier tonight, but unfortunately he didn't have a chance to get to my room yet. Looks like I'll have to deal with little girls staring at me through the peephole for another night.

I was late for first period this morning, but only by a couple of minutes. I ended up sleeping throughout second period today and most of third, but somehow managed to stay awake during chemistry while listening to my teacher talk about cloning dinosaurs and Michael Crichton books. Spanish flew by much quicker than usual, despite the fact that I only got about three of the translations correct on the whiteboard. Perhaps it was because I was waiting for something throughout the whole period; the ironic thing is as soon as I stepped out of class, I realized that I had it all this time!

School let out and I chilled for awhile with the usuals. Good laughs as always; Jufran and Billy Mays? Yes please! The guys left around 3, and I kept myself company for about half an hour until dad picked me up and took me to my dentist appointment. I slept the whole way there and most of the way back, and by that time my stomach was growling. 2-week old pizza doesn't sound too appetizing, but it was all that was left after I finished the rest of the grilled squid, so I settled for what I had. Mom came home soon after and stir-fried a batch of noodles. Thanks mom!

We headed to Target a little later, and again, I slept in the car, both ways. It's surprising how long a 5-minute drive can seem when you're sleepy. They ran out of Lactaid, but I picked up some more yogurt and mint milanos while my mom got some cake mix, which she made into cupcakes once we got home. Our cashier was extremely rude (I had never seen her working there before) and it took my mom three swipes of her card in order to finally get the machine working properly, ugh.

Today ended up being a pretty decent day, despite the rain, and the fact that I still have no doorknobs and our house is still a mess, since our living room is filled with stacks and boxes of things that had to be moved out of the other rooms in order to paint them. I guess you can say that my house is both empty and full at the same time, although it always seems to be empty in all the wrong places. I finally found the charger for my video camera (thanks dad!) and managed to get A LOT of sleep and A LOT of texting done today, which is never a bad thing. My bangs are starting to get in the way, but it's not so bad in the morning (I'm still wearing my beloved beanie to sleep every night, it keeps my head warm). It's starting to look a bit like my summer hair from last year again. I'll be moving back into my other room tomorrow, finally. This room gets just a little bit too stuffy during the evening!

Know Your Roots.

They say that an identity is the most valuable thing a person can possess, and for the longest time, it seemed as though I had lost mine.

But it would appear that I have recently come to my senses, because things are clearer now than ever. The picture above is a representation of everything that I stand for, but more importantly, of everything that stands for me. These are the objects which, as meaningless as they may appear to a stranger, help guide me through my day-to-day life. Pages of sheet music, my black book of rhymes, a couple of letters, and my copy of Ellison's Invisible Man are just a few of the things which continually give me the hope and strength to carry on in my time of need; they have not failed me thus far, and I pray that they will continue to serve me well for many years to come. Through these ordinary objects, I have re-discovered myself, and for the first time in a long time, I know who I am.

Simply put, I would rather be an unknown somebody than a famous nobody.





*Junior Prom update, as soon as I can find some pictures!