"Beyond where we should've gone."

Ohh, Jesus, I love you, and I love Buddha too.

I love you and Buddha too.

Confession #42

Last night was one of the best nights I’ve had in awhile. I have never thought of myself as a very religious person, but it’s amazing how much I have in common with those who are. Maybe this is God’s way of reaffirming my faith in the fact that there are others out there who feel the way I do and have experienced the hardships that I’ve faced, and just knowing that I’m not alone in this makes life a little easier to bear and smiles easier to create.

Always gonna be an uphill battle.

Place To Be

Nothing but raw emotion.

Beauty is in the eyes ears of the beholder.

7:08 P.M., April 16, 2009

If you know me, you'll know where to look.

The cake is a lie.

$49 flights, my ass.

The price isn't the big issue, though: It's the flight times. If they had a 9:30 P.M. flight, that'd be just lovely, but since they don't, I guess I'll have to find a Plan B.


P.S. The cheesecake was delicious though, thanks!

Confession #41

You do realize that this is it, right? Seeing her on an almost-daily basis is one of the many things which keeps your image burning so bright in my mind day in and day out. It’s almost scary to think how much she’s beginning to resemble you, but after all, you guys are family. Well, not to me. You used to be. I miss that, really. Aside from all the lovey-dovey, I liked that I was just there for you, in an older-brother kind of way. But back to the topic at hand: this is it. I’m graduating in less than two months, which means I won’t be seeing her around as much anymore, which means I’ll be reminded of you less and less as well. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Am I going to forget about you? Will we continue being complete and total strangers for the rest of our lives? Are things ever going to be fixed, or will the shattered pieces of our friendship remain on the ground until the day we join them? Who knows. I’ve got the tools, but I need a helping hand, too.

"I just like to have her."

There are so many things that I could say about you. I don’t know where to begin, to be quite honest. The word “ugh” comes to mind. That’s the sound of frustration, because I know that I wasn’t good enough, that I’m still not and probably never will be. I guess somewhere along the road, I lost my way. I focused so much on what I wanted that I forgot what I had to do to get there.

As cliche as this sounds: If I could, I would do it all over again. Patience has never been one of my strengths, but for you, I’d wait. Tuesday-night dates, Wednesday-morning kisses; there’s so much I’d like to show you, so many things to share with you. Sweat pants, hair tied, no earrings, no makeup: that’s true beauty, right there. Sitting on the couch on a Saturday night, with a bowl of ice cream in one arm and another one around your warm, beautiful being. No more twenty-minute waits for rides or hiding from our parents, making our own food and our own happiness. Falling asleep next to you, not on the phone with you, and goodmorning kisses instead of goodmorning texts.

The first time I told you I loved you, we were in front of my mom’s car. I’m sorry to say that I didn’t mean what I said. The second time I told you I loved you, we were in a movie theater, this time with a kiss on the cheek. I didn’t mean it that time, either. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other, and even longer since we last spoke. My days have been filled with many emotions, but it wasn’t until last night that I was laying in this empty bed of mine, all alone at 2 A.M. in the shivering cold, not from the lack of blankets, but from the lack of you, that I realized how much I missed you by my side. It wasn’t until that moment in the dark that I realized that I do, truly, love you.

-Yours truly.

SicWest.

My current playlist pales in comparison to all the great music I've accumulated over the past month or so, but it'll have to do for now.

Wednesday was yet another one of those days that started of slow and ended in flames (deja vu much?). Be forewarned that this entry will have absolutely zero sense of structure or diction, so unless you're prepared to read a mess of thoughts, you can go ahead and stop right here.

School was nothing unusual, same ol', same ol'. I managed to (miraculously) stay awake for all of first period today. Second period blessed me with another perfect score on my homework, but psychology nearly put me to sleep. Fourth period was just great, yet another great score on a pop quiz. For once, Spanish was the most lively class I had all day; we were split up into groups today, and even with everybody scattered across the room, there was still much to laugh about. In fact, it was probably one of the funnest fifth periods I've had all year. Unfortunately, sixth period bored me to death, but at least having a sub is better than no sub at all.

Lunch was a blast, though. As I made my rounds through the quad, Danielle and Kelli managed to steal me away from my friends. We chatted for a bit until Danielle went to hang out with Mariel, so Kelli and I went out towards the staff parking lot where my mom dropped off my house key for me as well as two hotpockets for the both of us. Walked with Kelli back to Mrs. Voss' room (it was empty for once!) so we could heat up our hot pockets. That microwave needs to be replaced, asap! My hot pocket turned out half-cold and I ended up giving it to Patrick. Kelli's must have been great though, since she devoured it quicker than I've ever seen her eat anything (and we eat, A LOT).

After school, I hung out and talked with Jamie for a bit in the bus loading zone, then went with Kaylene to the liquor store so she could buy some chips. We headed back to school just as seventh period got out, and then I went with Nicole and Ashley to Target, where they bought some food as I was pushing the cart around, half-asleep. Crossed the street afterward so I could withdraw the money that I owe Marissa, and then got my double-shot espresso frappuccino from Starbucks. Although it certainly woke me up, it was much too strong for my taste, but I managed to finish it anyway. Chilled at Subway for a bit and helped the girls out with their guy problems.

Their kuya Don and his girlfriend Tiana picked us up an hour or so later, and we went to Safeway for a bit to do some grocery shopping before he dropped me off at home. I find it both amusing and awesome that their kuya, although he's quite a bit older than me, has really taken a liking to me. "SUP MIKEY!" was the first thing he said to the three of us, greeting me even before his own sisters! Apparently, I'm the only male friend that he (and their parents) like; this isn't anything new, though, because I seem to get the "special treatment" from the families of my female friends all the time. I gotta admit it's nice being able to hang out with the ladies without their family constantly breathing down my neck. To be trusted is perhaps one of the greatest compliments one can receive, and I'm glad to have received it so many times from so many different families.

I made it home to catch most of the first episode of Avatar. I'm REALLY pleased that they're starting to air more episodes nowadays; instead of one episode at 5 P.M., we now get two! Did my usual "run" on the elliptical, during which I noticed that my stomach has grown to a pretty hefty size. After a discussion with my mom and uncle regarding health, I said to myself that I'd begin eating healthier and taking better care of my body. I was hesitant to go to buy dinner that night, something which I had to do since my mom didn't cook anything, but I finally mustered the willpower to drive myself to Burrito Azteca, only this time, rather than indulging in a California Burrito or an order of Steak Fries along with a soft taco, I simply ordered two soft tacos and called it a day. The employees there must really, really love me; I've been there so many times that the lady who works up front has started calling me "mijo"!

Another hour of Avatar was airing when I returned home with my food, so I happily ate as I watched, and before I knew it, the clock had struck nine. Ah, American Idol...as much of a jerk as I may seem like for saying this, I was rather happy to see Andrew Garcia go, not because I don't like him, but because his fanbase has always annoyed me from the very beginning of his time on American Idol, and I don't know how much more I could have taken if he had stayed on the show. No offense to my friends of Filipino descent - most of my friends are, in fact, Filipino, and I get along with them very well, no racial problems here - but I know a lot of people voted for him just because he's Filipino, or because he's on Youtube, or both. That's great, but I'm sorry, that's not enough to make me vote for him. I'm an avid American Idol fan. I watch this show week in and week out, making sure to vote each and every time. How do I decide who to vote for? I vote based on the best performances I saw for THAT week and that week ONLY. I've voted for most of the contestants at least once (including Andrew), and the people that I vote for change on a weekly basis. I know Andrew is a great singer. I know he has potential. I know he has a bunch of great stuff up on Youtube, but that doesn't win American Idol, the live performances do, and let's be honest: in the past two months, he's only had a couple of great performances, whereas most of the other contestants have had MUCH greater success. Sorry, but I can't play favorites. And regarding racial pride? Yeah, he's Filipino. So what? If a Vietnamese contestant made it that far, I wouldn't vote for them just because they're the same race that I am. I vote for whoever I think is best for any given week, that's all there is to it. Some people think I'm just hating, but honestly? I'm just being fair. Open your eyes, please.

Anyway, after American Idol, I wrapped up my evening quite nicely with a quick session on the keys, followed by some working out and an episode of Fresh Prince. Needless to say, I'm quite beat at the moment, but today was one of the best days I've had in awhile. It's days like these that I wish I had my camera with me, but it's all good. Memories > photographs.





P.S. You had it all.

P.S.S. I would really like to know your name, for starters.

Reminisce.

Such a funny word. I wonder where it came from.

Lately I've become more and more forgetful. It's escalated to the point where I've had to resort to writing down blurbs on a Post-it note in a vain attempt to remind myself some of the things which I'd like to express through this ol' blog of mine, but what good does that do if I can't remember what the blurbs mean?

I do remember one topic very clearly, however, and that is friendship. Rewind a little bit, two years earlier. I was a younger person back then, not quite a man...not even a young man, come to think of it, but boy, was I high off life. Something in the air had me sprung, and between exploring the intrigue of alcohol and hauling my ass back to school every day at 5P.M. just to see her after practice, I had become disconnected from my family. To this day, I still replay my father's words in my head from time to time. "Friends should not be your priority," he told me. "They're here now, but what about in five years? Ten years? Where will they be? You'll go your separate ways. Your friends will come and go, but your education lasts a lifetime."

I hated those lectures with vim and vigor, despised hearing those words uttered from his lips. How could I possibly think of my friends in that manner? My father doesn't know my friends, so who is he to judge? My friends are loyal. They are the ones that will always be there for me, that truly understand me. Well, or so I thought.

Snap back to the present. Here I am, a little bit older and a little bit wiser. It's taken two years, but I've finally realized that father knows best; after all this time, he was right. I stand now in a pool of confusion and oppression; as much as it pains me to say this, my so-called "friends", the very people I spend my break and lunch with on a daily basis at school, are simply not cut from the same mold as I. We share few interests, and satisfying conversations are few and far between. Our lifestyles have grown apart, as well as our emotions and morals. As it stands today, I have little to gain from sticking with these guys, and truth be told, the only reason I am still around is because I have nobody else to run to. There are only two months left of school, not nearly enough time for me to replace and rebuild two years worth of friendships.

Perhaps one day, I'll finally be able to find comfort in the presence of others, but for now, the grind is my best friend. Two more months of school remain. As my grades rise, so do my spirits. Two more months, Mikey. You're almost home now. Let's get down to business.

Tiramisu.

Hello, Porto's Bakery.

My apologies for the recycled picture. I haven't been taking very many shots lately, something which I would like to start doing again soon. Anyway, guess where I went during my trip to Southern California this past week? Yup, Porto's Bakery! As always (:

So there's a little temporary teaser before I'm off to enjoy what remains of my spring break. Be back in a bit, and much more to come.

Jazz Central

I've been making a couple of small changes to my Blogspot here and there. Can you tell? Kudos to you if you can! I haven't even begun to get things rolling, and I've got plenty more in store, but between taking care of my responsibilities and my health, as well as leisure (hey, it is spring break, after all), I haven't had much time to devote to the internet lately.

Anyway, sleep is calling. Be back later today!

au naturel

Dear God,

I hate eczema. I hate it with a burning passion. Now, I know it can't be any worse than bubonic plague, or smallpox, or swine flu, or any other epidemic that's been thrown at the human race over the past hella billion years, but having to suffer with this for the rest of my life is not a pleasant thought at all, especially knowing that this is probably not going to be the last time that I'll have to spend days on an end in a filthy environment devoid of any moisturizers, period. But, I suppose I should count my blessings, and come to realize that we are all humble subjects of mother nature, and just as a river washes away all that is beneath it, so, too, will time wash away my these proverbial poxes that ail me so. Until then, there ain't much I can do but man up and deal with it.

God, I wish I were a Druid IRL.

Infrared.

Surprise, surprise!

While I would love to take the time to type up a lengthy, elaborate recap of what I've been up to for the past few days, I'm afraid I simply don't have the time to do so at this moment. In the meantime, however, here's a picture of my most recent pickup. It's been quite some time since I've had the pleasure of purchasing a new pair of kicks, but I finally caved in. For a mere $45, I was able to pick up these Infrared Air Force 1s. I'm not a huge AF1 guy, but this is one colorway that I've been seeking for quite some time now. They are a tad big on me, indeed, but as you can see, they're very close to deadstock condition, and for such a low price, I couldn't resist. I love them already!

In less than five hours, I'll be embarking once again on a journey to sunny Southern California, where I'll be staying for the weekend to take in the sights, spend time with my amazing family, and possibly even do a little a little shopping. I'll keep you guys updated as often as time permits. Until then, peace!