notes

It's been so long since I've written here. Part of growing up means that one has to take on more responsibilities, leaving little free time for the pursuit of deep thought. Ironically, its mostly when doing these mundane day-to-day tasks such as washing dishes at work or hastily filling out forms that I have the tendency to zone out for moments on end and just think about where I am, what I've done, who I've become. It would seem to me that my character has remained stagnant throughout these past six months or so, and according to Mill, stagnancy is never a good thing. Yet one could also argue that I've made great strides in becoming an ideal member of society, despite losing bits and pieces of "me" along the way. What's really going on with me? Who knows anymore.

My world has lost all sense of color, taste, and the other luxuries that make life worth living; everything looks the same, tastes the same, feels the same, but somehow I have elevated. Everything is the same, except for me. I breathe in the inspiration surrounding me, hoping that I'll happen to take in the right combination and that I'll be able to make something amazing out of it, and in a fraction of a moment I breathe it right out, an incompatible mixture leaving my being as I take another breath and hope for something illuminating. The search seems to go on forever.

I don't think its really occurred to me until now that I haven't had a break in a long time. Thank goodness I'm getting away for the next few days. It's time to fill up the iPod again; I just might strike gold this time around.



Pz.