This is one of those songs that just gets to me, because honestly, it pains me to see people with their walls so high.
I suppose it's understandable, though. The other month, I "fell" for a girl who doesn't believe in love - or at least that's what it seems like to me. We talked, hung out, got to know each other (you know, "the usual"), and right off the bat, everything just seemed to click; its an indescribable feeling, and I feel foolish every time I try to put into words the way that you feel when you meet someone and things are just rolling, wheels in motion, top of the world...I could go on and on, but I'm sure you know what I mean. It is, simply put, one of the deepest, most euphoric feelings that one could possibly feel.
But as in any story, things must always take a turn for the worst, and just when I thought that we might have possibly had a chance at turning one night of lust into countless days of love, the ugly truth reared its head, bore its fangs, and bit me square in the ass. "I'm not looking to date anyone seriously right now," is what it said to me, and the next thing I knew, I couldn't see; it was as if someone had literally siphoned all the light out of this world and locked it away in some magical black box, somewhere out there in the cosmos. I was at a loss for words.
While we were talking, we shared our past relationship experiences with each other. I found out she, like I, had been deeply hurt in the past, among other similarities that we had. The difference between her and I, however, is that while I had kept my head up throughout the struggles and approached my next potential lover with both my arms and my heart wide open, willing to take the risks and ready to embrace all the ups and downs that we may possibly endure, she sealed herself off from the world, keeping to herself, nursing the wounds left by her previous object of affection and letting the memory of him chain her to the wicked notion that great love only brings greater pain.
Needless to say, things didn't work out between us. To this very day, I still ask myself, "Why? Why do people build their walls so high? Not just her, but everyone else around me, too?". It is a question that I already know the answer to, because I've been there and done that myself as well; we do so because we are scared, petrified that the next person we decide to open our hearts to will only end up crushing it like the last one did. But the way I see it, why should we let our last get in the way of our next? Why is it that we let the emotional malaise of our past cockblock (for lack of a better term) any chance of happiness that we may have?
I, too, have built these walls, once upon a time. But no more. I don't believe in them. I don't need them. Whatever or whoever approaches me, I will come right back towards it and meet them head-on with every intention to see things through to the end and leave with no regrets or unsaid words left on the table. Some may call me naive, others will say that I'm reckless, but to that, I only have one response: life is short, and you'll never know how things will end up if you don't try. While you may be protecting yourself from yet another heartbreak, you could also be missing out on what may potentially blossom into a wonderful, loving relationship that you'll never see, all because you're too caught up in the past. And wouldn't that be such a shame...
To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this right now. The hopeless romantic in me says that she'll somehow serendipitously come across this post and eventually come back, but the thinker and the realist in me tells me that its all over. I think I just really need a place to let it all out, put it all down. And while I'll never quite know whether or not I'll ever have any contact with her again, if we'll ever become even just friends again, at least I'm sure of one thing: before we went our separate ways, I poured out my heart to her, laid my cards on the table, and came straight, no BS, no games, and if nothing else, at least I can say that I tried.
Because life is too short to be wondering, "What if...?"
I suppose it's understandable, though. The other month, I "fell" for a girl who doesn't believe in love - or at least that's what it seems like to me. We talked, hung out, got to know each other (you know, "the usual"), and right off the bat, everything just seemed to click; its an indescribable feeling, and I feel foolish every time I try to put into words the way that you feel when you meet someone and things are just rolling, wheels in motion, top of the world...I could go on and on, but I'm sure you know what I mean. It is, simply put, one of the deepest, most euphoric feelings that one could possibly feel.
But as in any story, things must always take a turn for the worst, and just when I thought that we might have possibly had a chance at turning one night of lust into countless days of love, the ugly truth reared its head, bore its fangs, and bit me square in the ass. "I'm not looking to date anyone seriously right now," is what it said to me, and the next thing I knew, I couldn't see; it was as if someone had literally siphoned all the light out of this world and locked it away in some magical black box, somewhere out there in the cosmos. I was at a loss for words.
While we were talking, we shared our past relationship experiences with each other. I found out she, like I, had been deeply hurt in the past, among other similarities that we had. The difference between her and I, however, is that while I had kept my head up throughout the struggles and approached my next potential lover with both my arms and my heart wide open, willing to take the risks and ready to embrace all the ups and downs that we may possibly endure, she sealed herself off from the world, keeping to herself, nursing the wounds left by her previous object of affection and letting the memory of him chain her to the wicked notion that great love only brings greater pain.
Needless to say, things didn't work out between us. To this very day, I still ask myself, "Why? Why do people build their walls so high? Not just her, but everyone else around me, too?". It is a question that I already know the answer to, because I've been there and done that myself as well; we do so because we are scared, petrified that the next person we decide to open our hearts to will only end up crushing it like the last one did. But the way I see it, why should we let our last get in the way of our next? Why is it that we let the emotional malaise of our past cockblock (for lack of a better term) any chance of happiness that we may have?
I, too, have built these walls, once upon a time. But no more. I don't believe in them. I don't need them. Whatever or whoever approaches me, I will come right back towards it and meet them head-on with every intention to see things through to the end and leave with no regrets or unsaid words left on the table. Some may call me naive, others will say that I'm reckless, but to that, I only have one response: life is short, and you'll never know how things will end up if you don't try. While you may be protecting yourself from yet another heartbreak, you could also be missing out on what may potentially blossom into a wonderful, loving relationship that you'll never see, all because you're too caught up in the past. And wouldn't that be such a shame...
To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this right now. The hopeless romantic in me says that she'll somehow serendipitously come across this post and eventually come back, but the thinker and the realist in me tells me that its all over. I think I just really need a place to let it all out, put it all down. And while I'll never quite know whether or not I'll ever have any contact with her again, if we'll ever become even just friends again, at least I'm sure of one thing: before we went our separate ways, I poured out my heart to her, laid my cards on the table, and came straight, no BS, no games, and if nothing else, at least I can say that I tried.
Because life is too short to be wondering, "What if...?"
Same muhheffinn' boat dude.
ReplyDelete