grumble grumble

warning: possible strong use of expletives ahead, haha.


Well, Kristina said I'm a pretty blunt person, so for the sake of being blunt: I absolutely cannot stand it when people only talk to me out of convenience or necessity. Please don't misunderstand me; I don't mind helping out people whenever I can. Not to toot my own horn (heh), but I'm a pretty nice dude. However, I don't appreciate it when people try to "sweet-talk" me, acting as if they're genuinely interested in having a conversation with me, only to end up asking me for a favor, and then not even bothering to talk to me after they've gotten what they came for.

Seriously, dawg? And no, this isn't directed towards anyone in particular, but rather, more of a public service announcement, so to speak. But seriously? I don't expect to be super buddy-buddy with you and talk to you 24/7, but there are a lot of people that I can think of (who I won't name) who often come to me asking for favors or advice, yet when I try to talk to them, just have a normal conversation, they can't be bothered. Too cool to talk to me? Maybe you're too cool for my fucking help, too. Go ask your own damn friends because apparently, I'm only useful to you sometimes.

I understand that everyone is busy; everyone has their own lives to live and their own responsibilities to take care of: homework, sports, pets, siblings, family matters, church, work, WHATEVER. Again, I'm not asking to be your fucking best friend or for you to tell me what you're doing 24/7. I'm not fucking twitter. But I'm always willing to help out anyone with anything that they may have a problem with, as long as I'm not super busy (i.e. OMG HOUSE ON FIRE BRB STOP DROP AND ROLL) or as long as what they need isn't super demanding (UHMM HAY MIKEY CAN YOU LIEK DO MAH HOMEWOEK FOR ME CAUSE UHH I R LAZZY AND I DUN NOE HOW TO USE GOOGLE TO GET DA HALPZ LUL). But honestly now...some people, sheesh. All I want is to have a conversation, see how you've been, talk about random shit, whatever, what normal people do, and I can't even get that with some of you shady asses.

I also cannot stand indecisiveness. Can you pick something and committ to it, already!? Again, not really directed towards any one person in particular (although I can certainly think of some people..), just something that a lot of people have done over the years (and are still doing) that have ticked me off. There is a big difference between weighing your options, and constantly bouncing back and forth between them simply because you cannot commit to one thing. You may think that you can have your cake and eat it, too (i wish), but keep it up and that cake is going to be gone, and it won't be in your stomach. Also, don't tell me you're going to do something if you know you can't make it, and don't give me a certain time if you know you're going to be late. Is it really that hard? Either you can do it, or you can't. And if you're not sure if you can or not, at least keep me updated. If you're going to call it quits on me, at least let me know.

I arrived home today to be greeted with a shit-ton of homework, of which I finished what I can. Hopefully my teachers will give me an extension since I wasn't in class today, but if not, then I'm screwed. I haven't worked out in days and my mood has been one giant pendulum lately. And I have to wake up in four fucking hours.

Despite this little fit of rage I just had, I suppose that deep down inside, my anger and rage stems from disappointment and let-downs. Perhaps I expect too much out of people, and perhaps I haven't been the best person I could have been. Maybe my over-eagerness is a flaw, or is it because I choose to make my own path rather than taking that of others? I'm disappointed in a lot of people, but most of all, in myself. I'm not where I had hoped to be at this point in time, but I want everyone to know that I am still trying my best to get where I want to be, and I apologize for any pain, grief, stress, or other negative emotions I've caused people throughout my life.

Mad, sad, frustrated, morose, these words are all bad, bad bad bad. Out you go! Maybe my homie Asher is right: time to stop waiting on the world to change and take things into my own hands.





Tomorrow's blog will be much more cheerful. There is my dark side, I hope you enjoyed seeing it, it doesn't come around often.