The human brain works in mysterious ways, and perhaps nothing about it is more intriguing than the way in which it helps us to remember certain things - or is it the heart that holds these memories dear? At any rate, I've always considered myself to have a fairly adept sense of retaining information, but there was a time in my recent life which I remember with astute clarity, better than most instances.
*****
Another day, another lecture. On most days, I trudged aimlessly across campus, going from classroom to classroom, but with no real direction. However, I had been feeling a little more spirited than usual as of late, and on these particular days, a jolly spring was underneath my every step. My steps slowed, and with it, my breathing. My eyes became more accustomed to the blazing light emanating down from the sun; no longer did I feel blinded by it, but instead, illuminated. I had noticed things that I normally wouldn't catch before. The flap of a butterfly's wings, its majestic motions as it carried itself amongst the winds; budding flowers, yearning for the sky; the way the crown of the sun broke upon the horizon at around 5:15 A.M. every morning, sending streaks of red-orange across the sky and through the gaps in my blinds. I had begun to appreciate the beauty of the world around me, and it was as if someone had placed a disco ball inside my soul, or placed a brightly colored lampshade around every source of light in the world. Its warmth was unlike any other.
You had wished me a happy birthday not too long ago, and told me that you hoped I wasn't working that day, to which I responded by thanking you and telling you that I had requested that day off. My mind (or heart, if you will) raced back to the thoughts I held from my fall quarter of college, when I was entering yet another unknown world, one that had me at the mercy of a sea of unfamiliar faces. Yet amongst these faces, it was yours that had always stuck out the most. Something about the gleam in your eyes and that radiant smile kept my eyes glued to you. I could tell by the way that you asked your neighboring classmates where the restroom was and then brushed it off, pretending like you didn't need to go anymore when really you just had no idea how to get around campus, that you were just like me: young, lost, and a little confused, but at the same time, eager for adventure and seeking new horizons.
Oh, little did I know what would become of us as I gazed upon your magnificent form from across the classroom, hoping for a chance at some interaction, however trivial it might be, but that chance never came. Or perhaps it did, and I let it slip, who knows? But soon enough, I found myself in your presence once again the following quarter. Maybe it was fate, or perhaps just pure coincidence, but whatever the reason, I was glad for the time being to be near you once again. And, as if an invisible steel cord was tightly wound around my windpipe every time you came near, I found myself unable to express this intrigue I had for you, this desire to unravel you, pick apart your mind, learn who you were, not physically, but on a spiritual level. I wanted nothing more than for you to reveal and share your essence with me, to see if perhaps it would find some comfort and well-being with mine. My deepest desire was for you to illuminate my world with color.
*****
Little did I know that you would be the type to take it away, as well. And now, after you've slithered your way into bed with me, clawed your way through to my heart, and crushed it with meaningless kisses, there is only black and white.
Well, fuck you then.
(I swear I'm not depressed, writing is just very therapeutic for me.)
*****
Another day, another lecture. On most days, I trudged aimlessly across campus, going from classroom to classroom, but with no real direction. However, I had been feeling a little more spirited than usual as of late, and on these particular days, a jolly spring was underneath my every step. My steps slowed, and with it, my breathing. My eyes became more accustomed to the blazing light emanating down from the sun; no longer did I feel blinded by it, but instead, illuminated. I had noticed things that I normally wouldn't catch before. The flap of a butterfly's wings, its majestic motions as it carried itself amongst the winds; budding flowers, yearning for the sky; the way the crown of the sun broke upon the horizon at around 5:15 A.M. every morning, sending streaks of red-orange across the sky and through the gaps in my blinds. I had begun to appreciate the beauty of the world around me, and it was as if someone had placed a disco ball inside my soul, or placed a brightly colored lampshade around every source of light in the world. Its warmth was unlike any other.
You had wished me a happy birthday not too long ago, and told me that you hoped I wasn't working that day, to which I responded by thanking you and telling you that I had requested that day off. My mind (or heart, if you will) raced back to the thoughts I held from my fall quarter of college, when I was entering yet another unknown world, one that had me at the mercy of a sea of unfamiliar faces. Yet amongst these faces, it was yours that had always stuck out the most. Something about the gleam in your eyes and that radiant smile kept my eyes glued to you. I could tell by the way that you asked your neighboring classmates where the restroom was and then brushed it off, pretending like you didn't need to go anymore when really you just had no idea how to get around campus, that you were just like me: young, lost, and a little confused, but at the same time, eager for adventure and seeking new horizons.
Oh, little did I know what would become of us as I gazed upon your magnificent form from across the classroom, hoping for a chance at some interaction, however trivial it might be, but that chance never came. Or perhaps it did, and I let it slip, who knows? But soon enough, I found myself in your presence once again the following quarter. Maybe it was fate, or perhaps just pure coincidence, but whatever the reason, I was glad for the time being to be near you once again. And, as if an invisible steel cord was tightly wound around my windpipe every time you came near, I found myself unable to express this intrigue I had for you, this desire to unravel you, pick apart your mind, learn who you were, not physically, but on a spiritual level. I wanted nothing more than for you to reveal and share your essence with me, to see if perhaps it would find some comfort and well-being with mine. My deepest desire was for you to illuminate my world with color.
*****
Little did I know that you would be the type to take it away, as well. And now, after you've slithered your way into bed with me, clawed your way through to my heart, and crushed it with meaningless kisses, there is only black and white.
Well, f
(I swear I'm not depressed, writing is just very therapeutic for me.)
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